I'm going forward; I'm climbing up the hill. I'm reading my Bible and praying and trying to keep my focus on God. But I still feel like I'm falling backwards, like I'm rolling down the hill.
I feel like I'm in a dark room. I'm going towards the light. I can't tell how far away from it I am. There are objects all over the floor. I'm tripping and I'm bleeding and I want to go back to where things were decent. I felt everything was okay. I could talk to my love and he made me feel so happy and at peace.
I gave all that up to pursue God. I had to give it all the way up, but it's so hard. I want to run back to my love.
I will continue to fight blindly.
"1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." -Hebrews 12:1-3
I must keep fighting.