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Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Lifeless Eyes

All I can think about is my friend Joel. At a party we were at, we were all shot at, and he was killed. Throughout the ordeal, I ran from the gunman, ran desperately to find Joel’s lifeless body, and hid under a bed fearing for my life as i heard continual shots from the simi-automatic AK-47. Out of it all, what bothers me still the most were Joel’s dead eyes. When I hovered over him in shock, he was lying on his back on the ground. His brother pulled up his shirt revealing three bullet holes, two fatal. Up his neck and face was his skin that had attained a purple/blue color. His open mouth was full of blood. And his eyes were wide open. 

Thursday, June 14, 2012


I want you to think about your childhood. I want you to think about your life, as far back as you can remember until the day you graduated high school. What was it like? For me, I remember a lot of bad things. I remember how mean some of the girls in my private school were. I remember getting made fun of because I walked a little funny. I remember when all my friends had phones and I did not. Even now, so many of my friends have smart phones, but I do not. I have gotten jealous over so many things. I remember getting in fights with my parents because I could not go where I wanted with who I wanted when I wanted to go. I remember getting mad because I had to do certain things. I am being honest with you in this, and I think that is the way a lot of kids grow up. They have many of the same memories as me.
Now imagine a kid who has little to nothing. Their parents beat them and curse them. They sleep amid trash and debris. The end.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Recuerdo- I Remember (Memory)

For those of you who know me, you may have noticed the word "recuerdo" written on my wrist quite often. It is the Spanish word meaning "I remember" (or "memory"). I write that to remind myself to never forget. I get so caught up with my phases and obsessions, whether they be boys, poker, my hair, boys, theater, my work, or my most recent infatuation, The White Stripes (For the record, I had never really taken the time to listen to them until now, so yes, give me a few more weeks to be completely blown away.). While some things perhaps should be forgotten, or are just not worth remembering, there are things in particular that make me who I am. That sounds cliche, but these things truly shape my passions.

I remember Guatemala. It all started with a bag I bought there. It said "Recuerdo Guatemala," with two birds on the front. I bought it to remind me to remember the people there. Averaging an income per family of $4000 annually, I could just see the children at the Malnutrition Center's faces. I knew their names. I knew the kindness of their hearts. I could not allow myself to slip back into my day to day life and forget those people.

I remember Fernando. He was my dear Guatemalan friend. I knew him for about 4 years, and we had grown close when I lost him. When he was a part of my life, I was not the Christian I should have been. I should have stood in my faith, and in nothing else. As I move on with my life, I never want to lose the realization that there are so many people around me who will all be facing an eternity.

I remember Billy. He is a four year old who currently lives at the Malnutrition Center in Guatemala. He has won my heart. When things here get crazy, he brings me back to reality. The memory of that sweet baby boy reminds me how much bigger my life is than just me. I'm just meant to be the background of something bigger.

I remember middle school. That was one of the most painful times of my life. Now that I have faced all of those trials, however, I want to be there for other girls who have to go through them.

I remember mistakes.

I remember my God who loves me and takes me through it all.

I remember the plan God has for me. A lot of times I get caught up in the troubles of today, or tomorrow. It feels like the end. His plan for me to prosper and do something through His abilities is indescribably encouraging. I also struggle with remembering that His plan for my life is infinitely better than my own.

I remember clearly the words of a girl's response to a woman who helped rescue her out of slavery: "If what you say about God is true, why didn't you come sooner?"
If what I believe about God is true, how can I ever be silent? How can I ever not show His love to the world? God has taken me through these things to fuel me; these things give me passion.
I refuse to live life as if I plan on arriving at death safely.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Insanity Plea Thesis

April 16, 2010

The Insanity Plea

People with mental deficiencies may defend themselves in the court of law by using the insanity plea. Possible result may be the escape or an alternation of some standard charges. The insanity defense traces its roots back to early Rome (Collins 1). Naturally, it has developed throughout history. It has urbanized in its overall meaning as well as its efficiency. During the defense’s presence, legal issues involving state laws and court proceedings have arisen. Although some people are truthfully unaware of reality and are incapable of mental or physical control, others merely use the defense as a way out of accepting their self-brought blame and the proper consequences of their actions (Valentine 2). The abuse of the insanity plea, as a result of its evolution, has increased to the point where one must wonder, is the insanity plea continually worthy of being a valid defense (Valentine 3)?

Obeying the law is mandatory. Unfortunately, some people who are mentally handicapped are incapable of willingly deciding to obey the law. These mentally handicapped people need a specialized punishment, not prison (Collins 1). In order to implement the proper punishment, the case itself should be found to qualify the standards of an insanity case, and insanity itself should be defined. In the 18th century, insanity meant for one to be “totally deprived of his understanding and memory and not know what he is doing anymore than an infant, a brute, or a wild beast”. In the 19th century, insanity was known to be “irresponsible, unpredictable, and often dangerous” (Peske 1). Charles Doe defines insanity as “the result of a certain pathological condition of the brain” and then goes on to say that “the tests and symptoms of this disease are no more matters of the law than the tests or symptoms of any other disease in animal or vegetable life” (Reznek 27). Precise medical tests, in fact, cannot be valid because insanity is a moral principal, not medical (Valentine 8). The judgment being about the defendant’s mind in the process of the crime makes it even more difficult to make a clear, accurate verdict. While judging the defendant’s current mental status may be difficult, judging his state of mind at a given point in the past comes to be an impossible task to achieve precisely (Crime 1). All that this means is that temporary insanity, dismissing one from knowing the reality of their act while they are briefly insane, is accepted. The criminal’s current state of mind may be completely different (Fersch 7). One must understand that incompetence is not the same concept as insanity, and defendants who are found to be incompetent receive mental assistance until they are competent and may return to trial (US 4). Over time, people who fall into the category of “insane” are defended by the plain reality that they either did not know their actions were wrong or they did not know why their actions were wrong (Martin 1).

Daniel M’Naughten, an unadorned woodworker, believed himself to be the victim of a plot linked with the pope and the British Prime Minister in 1843. He attempted to ambush the Prime Minister, Robert Peel. He accidentally shot Peel’s secretary who died. M’Naughten’s defense, including several psychiatrists’ testimonies, freed him of charges due to insanity. A public indignation and a panel of British judges followed, and the M’Naughten rule was established (Martin 1). The M’Naughten rule, originating nearly 200 years ago, is still the root of most insanity plea laws used in the present. Originating its earliest stages with “lunatics” in ancient Rome, the insanity plea developed throughout history (Collins 3). Later on, in the 13th century, “complete madness” was an official defense in England. In the 18th century it had evolved into a “wild beast” test that defended those who qualified as being “totally deprived of his understanding and memory so as not to know what he was doing, no more than an infant, a brute, or a wild beast” (US 5). In 1867 the Scottish contributed the insanity defense in the more specific form of “diminished capacity”; diminished capacity altogether avoids whether or not the defendant had criminal intent (Valentine 6). In 1876, England contributed “automatism”, a form of the insanity defense in which one has no bodily control (Reznek 29). After a group of assassins were found not guilty due to insanity, Queen Victoria declared a new verdict, “guilty but insane”, rather than being freed from charges. The queen’s personal contribution was carried out until 1964 (Peske 1). Before the 19th century, insanity trials didn’t regularly include a medical testimony. Differing greatly from today’s insanity trials’ procedures, doctors sometimes presented symptoms of a mentally ill person but didn’t examine the defendant, and insanity was viewed to be incurable (Collins 2). During the 19th century, lawyers and psychiatrists didn’t communicate very well. While lawyers believed insanity actions to be voluntary, psychiatrists said the actions were not (Reznek 25).

In 1981, the American nation as a whole was infuriated when John W. Hinckley succeeded in using the insanity defense after his attempt to assassinate President Reagan (Peske 1). America stepped in to the insanity plea in 1843 with the “irresistible impulse” plea for people who know what they’re doing and why it’s wrong but “just can’t help it”. In 1954 the United States Court of Appeals ruled that “An accused is not criminally responsible if his unlawful act was the product of a mental disease or defect”. Continuing in 1966, it was also ruled that “A person is not responsible for criminal conduct if at the time of such conduct as a result of mental disease or defect he lacks substantial capacity to appreciate the criminality of his conduct or to conform his conduct to the requirements of the law” (Valentine 5).

Between 1965 and 1975, thirty-one “not guilty by reason of insanity” murderers were released in New York alone (Reznek 29). Another study taken from 1965 to 1976 showed a five hundred percent increase in successful insanity defenses (Valentine 3). The National Institute of Mental Health conducted a study of eight states in 1991. The findings showed the insanity plea to be used in less than one percent of all cases, and it was a success only twenty-six percent of the time. Within ten years and ten thousand cases, only sixteen people used the insanity plea, and success often came in the form of a bargain (Fersch 4). One study showed only one in four hundred insanity defense cases to be a success (Vatz 1). Overall, one forth of insanity defense cases result in the verdict “not guilty by reason of insanity”. In three fourths of those cases, the verdict “not guilty by reason of insanity” was deemed appropriate before the trial. The success of insanity plea cases greatly depends on the prosecutors consent as well as the defending lawyer, psychological testimony, and the state’s way of defining “insane” (Fersch 4).

The usage of the insanity plea relies solely on the individual state’s laws. Every state has its own way of determining whether or not one had mental control and responsibility while performing the crime. A main factor in a significant amount of state laws is the M’Naughten rule, also known as the “right/wrong” test. Although it was established in 1843, it is still used in twenty six states. It finds the defendant not guilty by reason of insanity if “at the time of committing the act, he was laboring under such a defect of reason from disease of the mind as not to know the nature and quality of the act he was doing, or if he did know it, that he did not know what he was doing was wrong” (Crime 2). Connecticut changed M’Naughten in the 1950’s saying “some mental disorders are so overpowering the individual is a victim of his psychopathology” (Peske 2). In 1962 a Model Standard was set out by the American Law Institute saying “a defendant is not held criminally responsible if at the time of his conduct as a result of mental disease or defect he lacks substantial capacity either to appreciate the criminality of his conduct or to conform his conduct to the requirements of law” (Crime 2). The insanity defense was revised by Congress in 1984 saying “It is an affirmative defense to a prosecution under any federal statute that, at the time of the commission of the acts constituting the offense, the defendant as a result of a severe mental disease or defect, was unable to appreciate the nature and quality or the wrongfulness of his acts. Mental disease or defect does not otherwise constitute a defense” (Collins 3). In 1986, the 8th amendment ruled that insane people couldn’t be executed, and states must meet standards when determining sanity (Henderson 121). As of 1994, some states have, with permission from the United States Supreme Court, chosen to do away with the insanity defense altogether (Martin 2). Although Montana, Idaho, and Utah don’t permit the insanity defense, the defendant may present a lack in mental state at the time of the crime. The result would be excuse from the guilt of the crime. Other states have deemed people capable of not being able to control themselves altogether due to “an irresistible impulse” (Crime 2).

Sentencing tends to bring up problems and controversy within the insanity plea. In 1974, Alvin Ford killed a police officer while robbing a restaurant. He was sentenced to death. While he was on death row, he developed a non-ignorable mental disorder. He was assessed and found competent. The mental testing didn’t fulfill requirements (Henderson 81). Capital punishment was found not to be forcible upon those who do not understand what they did and the result of what they did (Henderson 99). The court ruled that if a death row inmate who had been exempt from execution because of mental illness regained their mental capacity, the execution could proceed. The only issue was that inmates must, in reality, remain recklessly insane to stay living (Henderson 82). Ford’s execution was stopped in 1986 (Henderson 81). Controversy involving mentally retarded persons has also been brought to light by the Court saying retarded persons “have diminished capacities to understand and process information, to communicate, to abstract from mistakes and learn from experience, to engage in logical reasoning, to control impulses, and to understand the reactions of others. Their deficiencies do not warrant an exemption from criminal sanctions, but they do diminish their personal culpability” (Henderson 99). Judges, mental health professionals, and specially appointed boards may be used to determine the release of the mentally ill. Defendants used to end up spending longer amounts of time in a mental hospital than they would have under a regular prison sentence (Crime 4), but due to medical advancements, insane persons are being released more rapidly (Collins 1).

The fact that some people are incapable of knowing what was going on, incapable of determining right and wrong, and incapable of controlling their bodies is very real and very serious. Temporary insanity is greatly demonstrated by King Nebuchadnezzar in the Bible, Daniel 4:30-34. When the king became proud and ignorant of God, God made him like a wild beast living in the fields. Nebuchadnezzar’s sanity was restored when he acknowledged God again.

The insanity plea has brought mercy for many people. For example, a man named Charlson was a faithful father and husband. He threw his ten year old son out of the window and did not regain mental consciousness until he was driving away. After turning himself in to authorities, he was deemed not responsible for his actions because of a brain tumor. The judge said, “If he did not know what he was doing, if his actions were purely automatic, and his mind had no control over the movement of his limbs, if he was in the same position as a person in an epileptic fit, then no responsibility rests upon him at all, and the proper verdict is, not guilty” (Reznek, 30). In 1994, the insanity defense was also a success for a woman named Lorena Bobbitt. She severed part of her husband with a kitchen knife and received only three months of psychiatric assessment (Martin 3). This, as did Hinckley’s successful insanity plea in 1981, infuriated the public (Fersch 5).

The punishment of incompetent people may only produce mindless vengeance, but consequences must be enforced. The insanity defense has been abused to the point where the people who truly need it may not even receive it in some cases. Its standards and requirements changed so much over time that it has made a mockery of the whole defense. For example, The executive director of the Attorney General’s Task Force on Violent Crime, Jeffery Harris, said, “in any trial I’ve ever heard of, the defense psychiatrist always says the accused is insane, and the prosecution psychiatrist always says he’s sane. This happened invariably, in one hundred percent of the cases, thus far exceeding the laws of chance.” He goes on to say “The insanity defense is being used as a football and, quite frankly, you’d be better off calling Central Casting to get ‘expert psychiatric testimony’ in a criminal trial” (Valentine 1).

Fortunately, many insanity pleas used by people such as Dan White, William and Anthony Esposito, and John DuPont are unsuccessful. Dan White murdered two people over a city council position. The Esposito brothers, known killers, murdered a police officer in their pursuit and then acted like wild beasts creating disruption in the courtroom. Their execution sentence was decided in a one minute deliberation. John DuPont killed an Olympic wrestler living on his property and was charged with third degree murder (Fersch 5). If these people had escaped their proper punishment through the insanity plea, justice would have become a mockery. More and more people who are truly guilty are going without punishment. People who are incapable of controlling themselves are finding ways to walk away without the penalty they have brought upon themselves. An Assistant United States Attorney spoke of the insanity defense and its use: “The only time it’s used is when there is no question the accused committed the act, and the defense can think of nothing else to exonerate his client” (Valentine 7). It is very disappointing to see how intentionally the insanity defense is used to escape the consequences of breaking the law (Valentine 2). The insanity defense is inefficient. It no longer fulfills a positive purpose and holds a negative effect on society.

While choice people need some sort of legal help and special consequence as a result to their insanity, truly sane people have expanded and stretched the insanity defense to a hideously worthless level. With no exact definition or test of insanity in place, there is no way to determine who would fall into the category of being able to straightforwardly use the defense for its rightful purpose. The insanity defense is altogether unsound, unacceptable, and contains flaws in its reasoning.

Works Cited

Collins, Kimberly. “The john Hinckley Trial & Its Effect on the Insanity Defense”. Hinckley Trial. 3/16/10 .

“A Crime of insanity”. Frontline 3/16/10 .

Fersch, Ellsworth. Thinking About the Insanity Plea. Lincoln, NE: iUniverse, 2005.

Henderson, Harry. Capital Punishment. New York: Fact on File, Inc., 1991.

HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Grand Rapids: Zondervan Press, 1984.

Martin, John P.. “The Insanity Defense: A Closer Look”. The Washington Post. 3/16/10>.

Peske, Michael A.. “Insanity Plea: Doctors vs. Law”. The New York Times. 3/16/10 .

Reznek, Lawrie. Evil or Ill? London: Taylor & Francis e-Library, 2005.

“US Supreme Court: Insanity Defense”. West’s Encyclopedia of American Law. 3/16/10>.

Valentine, Carol A. “The Insanity of the Insanity Defense”. 4/5/10 .

Vatz, Richard E.. “Accomodating the killer”. USA Today. Sept. 2008: 22-23.

Page 398 of my autobiography (MSU essay)

In the summer of 2011, I signed up to volunteer at the local hospital. My first day rolled around, and I was pretty nervous. I showed up about fifteen minutes early because I had allowed time for myself to get lost in the hospital. Having my typical feeling of nervousness, sweaty palms and all, I met the charge nurse in my unit, Tabitha. She taught me typical protocol pertaining to cleanliness and told me what I would be doing.

To my distress, I found out I would be entering the patient rooms. I had to talk to complete strangers on top of hardly knowing what I was doing. Nevertheless, she showed me the nourishments and supplies I was to distribute and nearly sent me on my way. Before I entered my first room Tabitha turned to me and said, “Oh, and you should probably know that this is a trauma unit.”

What I experienced that summer was of more value than I can express. Many of the rooms I entered were inhabited with dementia patients. Physical disfigurements were extremely common. Repulsive smells varied from room to room. Some of the patients had family members by their sides, caring for them. The majority of the patients did not.

One of the patients’ guests is a woman I will never forget. She was old and frail, and she needed assistance getting to the valet four floors away. As I was wheeling her to the elevator, she spoke words that broke my heart. “My husband died on this floor a few years ago. He was in room 411.” I struggled for some words of sympathy, but nothing really seemed sufficient to express my sympathy for her pain. She went on, “We did everything together. Now that he’s gone, I don’t know what I can do without him. There’s no purpose in my life anymore.” I was on the brink of tears. Any heartbreak I was experiencing at the time felt juvenile. “I’ll be praying for you,” were the last few words I said to her as we reached the valet. I wanted so badly to be of great comfort to her.

I cannot disclose any particular patient information, but in general, there are things I think everyone should hear. There were patients there younger than me with serious drug and alcohol issues; they had nearly caused their own deaths. Many adults lied in their beds alone. They had no one to talk to. Although many of them were no longer in their competent minds, I think that many of their cries and screams were true reflections of the way they felt. They may not make sense sometimes, but that is no reason for them to be neglected. Starting out as cruel and unpleasant company, many of the patients turned into jolly friends. I found that going beyond merely providing for their basic nourishment and medical needs was what my job should really be about.

I am not going to make my job as a hospital volunteer sound like something it was not. During my shift, I looked at the clock often, hoping it would go by fast. My nerves dyed down a little bit, but I could not help but cringe sometimes. While I was doing my job, I sometimes felt unappreciated or useless. At the end of the day was when I realized how much I really enjoyed what I was doing. I had been exposed to things I was uncomfortable with, but I had provided smiles and laughter for some strangers’ day. That was irreplaceable gift, and I think it was the most valuable thing those patients could have been given. Nothing up to that point had ever made me want to give up more of myself for the benefit of others so badly.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

I'm Still Longing for You.

Running Bear, let me live in your land.
I don't like to journey and wander around.
Running Bear, let me hold you hand.
If you don't, I fear my heart is deathward-bound.

Why did you choose to journey so far away?
You've taken some burdens and thrown some away, meanwhile.
I miss you, you know, but I can't make you stay.
I continue to hope that you'll again make me smile.

I know it's not up to me, it's up to you.
Your escapade through the woods demands one way to choose.
I honestly fear what you might do.
The only reason I fear is because I'm still longing for you.

You roar so load, and your force is mighty.
You are silent all the while, sitting in the leaves.
You look at the sun, then the stars shining brightly.
I'm the sun, you're the moon. You will forever bring the night peace.

Monday, August 29, 2011

It's not all about me.

I'm sitting here thinking about my breakup. How my life needs to change before entering (or, hopefully, re-entering) a relationship. How things were in the wrong. How much I miss him. There are good thoughts, do not get me wrong. Good will come out of this. But that good does not always have to do with me. Maybe now I can be there for a friend, who may very well have it much worse than I do.

I know how it feels when you do something stupid. I know that gut-wrenching feeling of regret. I also know that feeling of thinking you have someone that is perfect, that you never want to lose. And then that little feeling of hope that you are left with when they are gone; that little feeling of hope that someday you will be able to run into their arms once more and love them all over again.

The toughest feeling for me right now is trusting that God will work things out. I want to trust that He will provide the perfect person, and that He will provide the perfect person before I grow up too much. As much as I like cats, I have to be honest with myself. I do not want to be the crazy cat lady. I want someone to spend all that time with (with or without cats- maybe a dog would do since the one I want to be with is allergic to cats). :)